ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE: KUWTK
By: Autumn Smith
Good television is wonderful, and I consider watching it to be one of my hobbies. I am an artist and I love cinematography and film, especially in the format of television. We are lucky we live in a time where TV networks are constantly working to find new shows that are able to compete with quality films. Breaking Bad and AMC, so many comedies and dramas on FX, anything on HBO even starting with the Sopranos and Six Feet Under, there is so much to watch.
E! is one network I would never put on that list, quality television makes you think and the demographic for E! is 20-something and brain dead. Unfortunately, when I’m super sick (which is often), I am brain dead. And twenty something. Level ten pain, nausea, vomiting, a fever, and painkillers make it almost impossible to think about anything critically. Enter the Kardashians.
The Kardashians are a very well-known, widely hated family, and I’ve grown to love them like my own. Before you stop reading and burn your laptop, let me explain. The Kardashians were there for me when my brain was made of mush and I couldn’t spell my own name, and the Kardashians entertained me when I couldn’t follow a story line for more than thirty seconds at a time. They made me laugh when I was crying and I couldn’t comprehend a knock-knock joke. You don’t have to think when you’re keeping up with the Kardashians. When you can only follow shapes and loud noises, shapely, loud woman are there to entertain you. They are literally wearing shiny objects to keep your attention. They are easy, pretty, ugly, fun, stupid, smart, angry, and rich. And when I can’t even sit up on my side facing the television to see what Kris Jenner put her kids up to, I scroll through my Snapchat under a blanket and Khloe gives me workout inspiration. Kourtney makes something weird with an avocado. Kylie Jenner dances in front of the camera to prove she’s my personal Barbie doll. Kim calls out Taylor, and it’s hilarious.
Then sometimes, real love shows. Family bonding makes your heart feel warm and fuzzy. Kim’s loyalty was real. Kendall cries because no one remembers she exists, she’s not very loud after all. Rob deals with some shit I can actually understand. Caitlyn proves to be stronger than all of us. They were there for me when no one else was. They have purpose and worth and now I understand it. I’m grateful for all 78 seasons of them.
Now excuse me while I ice, heat, take an hour long IV of the Kardashian-Jenners, and repeat.